


A Little Different

by StarlightBreeze557



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland Friendship, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Has Anxiety, Alec Lightwood Has Self-Worth Issues, Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Caregiver Magnus, Clary Fray & Alec Lightwood Friendship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Family Feels, Gen, Good Sibling Isabelle Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Lonely Alec Lightwood, M/M, Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood First Meet, Non-Sexual Age Play, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Simon Lewis & Alec Lightwood Friendship, daddy Magnus, little Alec, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:19:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25041538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarlightBreeze557/pseuds/StarlightBreeze557
Summary: Alec Lightwood is a little, struggling to keep himself afloat in college with the help of his siblings and friends. What will happen when Magnus Bane, a caregiver who affects Alec like no other, walks into his life? Alec needs a caregiver, but with dangerous exes, bad decisions, and homophobic parents in the mix, he's not sure he can let anyone else in right now, much as he wants to.Or, just little Alec & his group of friends + caregiver Magnus. That's it. That's the story. There's no other plot here.~ This fic is ongoing - and while I do plan on finishing it - I have no regular update schedule. I am not a functional writer by any means, so you've been warned. ~
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood, Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Clary Fray & Alec Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood/Maia Roberts, Lydia Branwell/Clary Fray, Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis & Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Jace Wayland
Comments: 36
Kudos: 133





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! This is a Little Alec college AU, and I've honestly been dying to write it for quite some time. It's good to feel like I finally can :) 
> 
> To clear things up a bit before we start: In this story, Alec is a little and Magnus is a caregiver. They will eventually be in a cg/l relationship. This is NOT incest nor is it underage. This is a lifestyle/relationship choice. If you have more questions, I encourage you to take to Google, perhaps using the terms 'age regression'. 
> 
> I would like to make this story a nice, happy place for people to come and read and escape from their lives for a little while. I will not tolerate hate. Negative comments will be deleted in order to keep this space as positive as possible. 
> 
> I really hope you like this! Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
> 
> ~ Em

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec has a little mishap in the kitchen and Jace & Izzy save the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! This first chapter is an odd combination of feelings and is reminiscent of the time that I burned macaroni & cheese. I forgot to put water in it. I should also, if we're being honest, say _times_ because this happened on three different occasions. Conclusion: Yes, I am an adult. No, I should not be allowed to cook. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!! Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
> 
> ~ Em

Alec woke up to the feeling of the sun on his face, and he felt his lips stretch into a grin. Ordinarily, the brightness would have irked him, but on this particular morning, it only added to the happiness churning through his veins. 

He kicked the covers off and, without bothering to change out of the teddy bear onesie he was wearing, wandered into the kitchen. He caught sight of a container on the counter with a purple slip of paper taped to it, a note scrawled in his sister’s messy handwriting. 

_Thought you might be hungry this morning, so I left you these. Don’t make a mess and make sure to wash your face afterwards! Love you._

_~ Izzy_

Alec grinned to himself and opened the container of pancakes, already pre-drenched in maple syrup, just how he liked them. He shoved the container in the microwave and hit a few buttons. He wasn’t quite sure how long to heat them for, so he punched in a few of his favourite numbers and hit start. 

After all, if he used all of his favourite numbers, then the resulting number had to be perfect!

Alec wasn’t sure how long it had been before he began to smell something acrid that made his eyes sting and the inside of his nose burn. His eyes widened when he realised that yellow-orange flames were licking the inside of the microwave, climbing higher and higher and threatening to escape and burn what was on the outside, too. 

Alec dashed for his phone and tried to remember what Izzy had told him to do if he was in trouble. _Call me_ , she’d said. _Or Jace. Call one of us and we’ll help you_. Alec pressed the button on his phone to call his sister and waited anxiously for her to pick up. The smoky smell invading the kitchen was steadily growing worse, and tears began to gather in Alec’s eyes. The fire was bright, brighter than the morning sunlight, and it didn’t make him feel safe. It made him feel like hiding in Jace’s arms or running to Izzy and burying his face in her shoulder. It made him feel _scared_.

“Hey, Alec,” Izzy’s cheerful voice rang out on the other end of the phone. Alec coughed a little, his eyes watering, and clutched his phone tighter. Izzy’s tone turned to one of concern, and she asked, “Is everything okay?”

“F-Fire,” Alec whimpered. “There’s a fire in the kitchen.”

A startled shout sounded on the other end of the line, and Alec heard bangs and crashes and things moving around. A creak, the sound of a door opening, some muffled voices, and then Izzy was back. 

“Listen, Alec, we’ll be there in a minute,” she reassured him. “For now, just get out of the kitchen, okay? Go to another room and we’ll be there soon. Can you do that for me?”

Alec nodded before remembering she couldn’t see him. “Mmhm.”

“Good boy,” Izzy said, her tone laced with poorly veiled relief. “Can you tell me when you’re out of the room, please?”

“Yeah,” Alec said, moving away from the fire, which was dancing out of the microwave and beginning to scorch the cabinets now. He scurried to the living room and plopped down on the couch with a breath of relief, glad to be rid of the horrid smell of smoke and the fearful, unsettling feeling that twisted in his gut at the sight of the flames. 

“‘M in the living room,” Alec said into his phone.

“Good,” Izzy said, and he could hear her talking to someone else and the distinct sound of a car engine starting. Relief crashed over him in waves so profound that he felt the tears from before begin to spill over. 

“Hurry?” Alec requested of his sister. “Pease, Izzy?”

“We are,” Izzy promised him. “We’re hurrying just as fast as we can, okay? We’ll be there soon, buddy. Promise.”

Alec bit his lip, not wanting his sister to hear him cry, but he couldn’t help it when a little sob escaped. He didn’t like being alone in his apartment with the bad smell and the scary fire and the loud ringing that seemed to fill the air out of nowhere - 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Izzy soothed him, her voice warm and calming in his ear. “We’re almost there, Alec. It’s all going to be okay. Do you trust us?”

“Y-Yeah,” Alec mumbled, wiping at the tears that were running his cheeks. “A’ways trust you, Izzy.”

“Good,” she crooned. “Trust me now, okay? It’s alright, Alec. I promise.”

“Pinky pwomise?” Alec asked hopefully. 

“Of course,” Izzy said, her voice warm and filled with the type of kindness he wished he had more experience with. “Imagine we’re locking pinkies right now, Alec.”

“Otay.” He closed his eyes and tried to block out the smell of scorched wood & metal, the incessant ringing that wouldn’t stop, and the spitting sounds coming from the kitchen. He imagined his sister’s pinky wrapped around his own, and he felt immeasurably better. 

A sharp click indicated that Izzy had ended the call, and Alec felt his eyes fill up with tears once again for a second before a loud bang came from the direction of the door, and both of his siblings were swarming in - Jace, armed with a bright red container and a bucket of water, and Izzy, clutching her phone and armed with a blue blanket that Alec recognised as one of his favourites. 

Jace headed for the kitchen, and it made panic lance through his heart, white-hot and sudden. He hurried after his brother. He couldn’t let Jace get hurt! The fire was _dangerous_.

“Nuh uh, let’s stay out of Jace’s way.” Izzy caught him by the arms and dragged a protesting Alec back to the living room. 

“B-But the fire - ”

“Jace is dealing with it,” Izzy cut him off. “It’s fine, Alec. Everything will be under control in a minute. Jace is okay, I promise.”

Alec whimpered and reached for his sister. Izzy immediately wrapped him in a tight hug, maneuvering the old, loved blanket around his shoulders. The tears began again, despite his best efforts, and Alec buried his face in Izzy’s shoulder. Izzy reached up to card her fingers through his hair, cooing quietly to him. 

A loud sound, something like the rush of a waterfall, echoed throughout the apartment, and Alec tensed in Izzy’s arms. She brushed her fingers through his hair once more. “It’s okay,” she reassured him. “Just Jace putting out the fire.”

Alec choked on a sob at the thought of Jace having to deal with a mess he created. “‘M sowwy,” Alec said, the words muffled against Izzy’s shoulder.

“Hey, hey, none of that,” Izzy reprimanded him gently. “You have nothing to apologise for.”

“Made a mess.”

Izzy sighed and rubbed his cheek soothingly with the pad of her thumb. “You didn’t mean to. It’s okay.”

Alec shook his head and pressed himself closer to her. “‘Ou said not to make a mess, an’ I did.” Izzy clicked her tongue and kissed his cheek. 

“I forgive you. It’s okay. It’s not your fault, Alec.”

“Alright, all cleaned up,” Jace announced from the doorway to the living room. When he saw Alec and the way his shoulders were shaking, however, he hurried over and crouched at Izzy’s side. 

“Hey, buddy, what is it?” Jace asked softly, trying his best not to betray the alarm he was feeling.

“He’s upset because he made a mess and I told him not to,” Izzy whispered, still holding Alec. Jace sighed and reached for him, pulling the older boy into his arms with ease. 

“Hey, didn’t Izzy tell you that it was okay?” Jace asked, lifting Alec’s chin with gentle but firm fingers. 

Alec nodded. “Yeah, but - ”

“No buts,” Jace cut him off. “You’re forgiven. Understand?” He kept his firm grip on Alec’s chin, forcing the other boy to meet his eyes. When Alec didn’t say anything back, he tightened his grip a little and lowered his head to look into Alec’s cerulean eyes a little better. “Do you understand me, Alec?”

“Yes,” Alec mumbled. 

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, I un’erstand,” Alec responded. “I’m fo’given.”

“Good boy,” Jace praised him, reaching up to card his fingers through Alec’s hair. Alec exhaled softly and leaned into the touch. Jace, noticing the movement, smiled and pulled Alec into a hug. Alec relaxed into Jace’s embrace and buried his face in the blonde’s shoulder. There were few things more relaxing, Alec thought, than being hugged by your brother. 

Unbeknownst to Alec, Jace and Isabelle shared a glance over the top of his head. It was a glance of mutual understanding, weighted heavily with a thick sadness. 

“Alec, buddy, we have school today,” Izzy started. “So I need you to - ”

“No!” Alec cried out immediately, wrenching himself away from Jace’s arms. “No, I don’ wanna!”

“You gotta,” Jace said simply. “I wish you didn’t have to, Alec, but you do.”

Alec felt tears well up in his eyes again, and Izzy cooed quietly to him, wrapping her arms around him without hesitation. “I’m sorry, Alec. I wish it could be different.”

Alec sniffled and pressed his face to her shoulder. “Pease, Izzy, I don’ wanna.”

“We know you don’t, buddy,” Jace spoke up, placing a soft hand on the small of Alec’s back. “But you have to, I’m sorry.”

Alec nodded and removed himself from his sister’s embrace, wiping at his eyes furiously. “You’re right.” He took a deep breath and forced a smile. “I’ll meet you there, okay?”

“Alec, are you sure?” Izzy asked. “We can stay and help you - ”

“I’m fine,” Alec said curtly. “Just go. I’ll get myself ready.”

“If you’re sure,” Jace said, taking Izzy by the arm and leading her to the door. He hesitated in the doorway, giving Alec a onceover, as if to make sure that he would be okay without the two of them. Alec gave him a weak smile and gestured for them to leave. Reluctantly, his siblings walked out of the apartment, leaving Alec alone with his thoughts. 

Alec hated it when this happened. He hated it when his headspace, when he was little, was tainted by outside things. It was his happy place, the place that he could go to relax and let go of his responsibilities and worries and the huge weight that rested on his shoulders. 

Yet, somehow, it kept becoming unhappy for him, and he knew why.

He didn’t have a caregiver.

Most littles his age had already found a caregiver, but he hadn’t. He knew he was picky; it had to be a man, and he had to be gentle and kind but powerful enough to keep Alec in line when he acted up in his headspace. He wanted someone who was strong enough to carry him and someone that liked to read. Alec didn’t think he’d ever gone a night in headspace without being read to. He wanted someone that would love and cherish him and never get annoyed or frustrated with him. He wanted what the friends he’d met online had and what he feared he never would. 

Without it, his headspaces were becoming tinged with sadness and he was much more liable to make stupid mistakes, such as setting the microwave on fire, just to see if he could gain that feeling of protection and care that a caregiver would give to him when he accidentally did something bad. 

It never worked, and it only made Alec feel even worse. 

Alec sighed and made his way to his closet, shoving the thoughts from his mind for the time being. He had responsibilities and a life outside of being a little. He had to be an 18 year-old again. He had no choice.

Alec picked out a pair of black pants and an oversized sweater from his closet to wear to school that day, slipping his phone in his pocket. He reluctantly made his bed, grabbed his backpack and keys, and left the apartment. 

When he was on the subway he took to campus every morning, Alec couldn’t resist reaching inside his backpack and petting the toy cat he kept in there for hard days. Even when he wasn’t little, the silent reminder that he always had something with him that could help him feel small was comforting. 

It would certainly help him deal with what was, he was sure, going to be another grueling day at college.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec deals with feelings of sadness left over from his recent regression and the lack of proper aftercare. New relationships and characters are introduced, and the scene is set for another chapter which will be decidedly more eventful than this one!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I had sudden inspiration for this today (after humming Yankee Doodle Dandy over and over again and _bouncing_ like I was actually on a pony because of creative jitters) and thus, this chapter was born. I have a good idea for the next chapter, as well, so hopefully it won't be long before the next chapter is up. (Don't hold me to that.) 
> 
> With that being said, I really hope you like this! Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
> 
> ~ Em

By the time Alec reached campus, his steps felt heavy and forced. All he wanted to do was go back home and return to littlespace, where he didn’t have so much weight resting on his shoulders. It felt heavier than usual that day. It felt suffocating. 

He went through the motions, driven to class by routine and the vague remembrances of what was expected of him. He listened to the professor but didn’t really hear anything that was said. Occasionally, Alec would stick his hand inside his backpack and pet the toy cat that resided there. It helped. He was smart and self-aware enough to recognise the feelings that were plaguing him; he was dropping.

But, as Izzy and Jace had said that morning, there was nothing any of them could do about it. He had to go to school. He had to be big. He had to survive without a caregiver. He didn’t have any other option. 

The bell rang overhead and Alec jumped at the loud noise. He’d been staring at his desk, daydreaming about a caregiver that would help him through a drop like this. 

He packed up his things and swung his bag onto his shoulders, walking out the door with an expression of indifference, despite how much he wished he could just curl up underneath one of the classroom tables with a book and his stuffed cat and ignore the world for a while. 

Isabelle met him at the end of the hall, wearing a bright smile and carrying her latest design from fashion class. Alec gave her a fond look and reached to examine it when she held it eagerly in his direction. 

It was a sleeveless blue dress with glitter & sparkles dusting the hem, and Alec stared at it in awe. His sister was easily one of the most talented fashion designers in the entire school. “That’s beautiful,” he said. “I love it!”

Izzy beamed as she rolled the paper back up to put in her bag. “Thanks, big brother.”

Alec smiled and opened his mouth to respond when he heard an excited voice shout, “Guys!” He looked up to see Isabelle’s best friend sprinting towards them, dragging Jace’s boyfriend with her by the arm. 

“Hey, Clary,” Alec greeted the energetic redhead warmly. 

“Hey,” she replied, releasing Simon’s arm and turning to face Alec and Isabelle fully. “Look what I made today!” She moved her hands to show off a watercolour painting, and Alec’s eyes widened in surprise. 

It was a picture of a wedding in an autumn field, and there were two brides kissing at the altar. One, Alec noticed, had suspiciously familiar vibrant red hair and the other was a blonde with a French braid and a bouquet of roses. 

“Is this you and Lydia?” he asked, giving Clary a knowing look. 

She blushed and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “Maybe.”

Simon punched her on the shoulder and said, “Fray, that’s adorable! You have to make one of me and Jace sometime.”

“What’s Clary making for us?” Alec looked up to see Jace sauntering down the hall, his eyes bright and a happy smile on his face, which widened when he caught Simon’s gaze. Alec almost rolled his eyes. His brother was so lovesick, it was almost disgusting. 

“Look,” Simon said, grabbing Jace’s hand and pointing to the painting Clary held. She beamed and lifted it to show to Jace. 

Jace’s bright blue eyes seemed to crinkle at the corners, his carefree grin melting into something softer. “That’s beautiful, Clary.” He squeezed Simon’s hand and sent the brunette an adoring look. “You definitely need to make one for me and Simon.”

Alec swallowed hard around the sudden lump in his throat. His siblings, his friends, they all seemed to have met the person they would be with for the rest of their lives. Even Isabelle, who was as picky about her suitors as a toddler was about food, had managed to find someone that made her feel whole. 

Alec wondered how long it would take him to find that. _If_ he would find that. 

Isabelle looked at her brother sidelong and Alec blushed. Surely he wasn’t _that_ obvious? Izzy sidled closer to him and placed a supportive hand on his back, rubbing soothing circles into it with little motions so the others wouldn’t notice. Alec grumbled and allowed himself the small comfort. Apparently he _was_ that obvious. 

Simon glanced down at his watch and gave a yelp of surprise. “We only have a few minutes until our next class!” With that, he and Jace hurried off in the direction of their respective buildings, hands still linked. Alec watched with a growing ache in his chest as Jace careened around corridors, Simon’s bookbag bumping against his thigh from where he was carrying it for his boyfriend. 

Izzy poked Alec in the side and said, “I’m off to algebra. Meet Clary in the library!” 

Alec barely had time to ponder her statement before she disappeared into the throng of students rushing to class. He met Clary in the library every day; they had a free period together and they’d often sit and study or talk about various subjects for an hour before they had to go back to class. He didn’t know why his sister felt the need to remind him. 

Alec shoved the puzzling interaction to the back of his mind and started making his way to the campus library. 

The library was Alec’s favourite place to be, other than his dorm. It was extensive and spanned three floors, with clearly labelled sections and enough reading material to keep someone occupied for days on end. There was a small coffee shop on the first floor, and the employees were so used to seeing Alec that they knew his coffee order by heart. 

After getting his cup of black coffee with a splash of milk and two sugars, Alec made his way to the second floor, where he knew Clary was waiting for him on a dark red loveseat, surrounded by paints and humming along to Simon’s newest song under her breath. 

Alec made his way to their corner of the library, taking a leisurely sip of his coffee as he walked. He valued this hour of free time with his friend more than he’d ever admit. It broke up the monotony of his school day and gave him something to look forward to.

To his surprise, when Alec reached the sofa they’d claimed as theirs nearly a year ago, Clary was nowhere to be found. He furrowed his brows in confusion. They’d been meeting in the library for the entirety of his junior year and her freshman year. She’d never once been late, nor had she been absent. He placed his coffee on the ground next to the loveseat and looked around for any sign of Clary. 

Alec caught sight of her paints, laid out on the coffee table next to the loveseat, and her purse, draped over the back of it. Her phone lay on top of the paints, and Alec knew she must still be on the second floor. Clary was far too smart to leave her phone and purse lying around if she was going to be gone for more than a few minutes. 

Alec grumbled to himself and walked off in search of her. He was going to throttle her when he found her, he swore. She’d really had him worried for a second. 

“Clary?” he called quietly, weaving his way through the shelves and keeping his eyes open for a redhead with paint-smeared overalls and a Pink Floyd crop top. 

“Over here!” she called back. There was a note of anxiety in her tone that made Alec hurry towards the sound of her voice. Seconds later, he came to an abrupt halt in front of his friend and stared. Whatever he’d been expecting, it certainly wasn’t this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clary has a surprise for Alec, one that he enjoys a lot. (Also with a small drop of unexpected angst.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! First and foremost, I'd like to say that I apologise for any lackluster writing in this chapter. I wrote the last parts of it and edited it all at 7-9 in the morning without having slept the night before. Oops. So please excuse my tired brain. 
> 
> With that being said, I really hope you enjoy this chapter! Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
> 
> ~ Em

Clary stood with a towering stack of books in her arms, balancing a kiddie plate shaped like a lion that was full of fruit cut up into little pieces on a single finger. Alec barely had time to appreciate her waitressing skills before his gaze was raking over the books she clutched. He realised with a start that they were all children’s books - nonfiction children’s books, in fact. Specifically, children’s books about space and the ocean. 

The two things that Alec enjoyed reading and learning about more than anything else, especially in littlespace. 

He glared at Clary, who at least had the decency to look away and pretend to be contrite. “Izzy put you up to this, didn’t she?” Alec accused, folding his arms over his chest and taking a step back, away from her. 

“She mentioned the idea to me,” Clary conceded. Alec opened his mouth to say something scathing, but Clary cut him off. “If she hadn’t, Alec, I probably would have tried it myself.”

Alec bristled. “And why’s that?”

“Easy there, Mr. Toxic Masculinity,” Clary quipped, and Alec begrudgingly offered her a little half-smile. “You’re stressed. Anyone with eyes can see that. We just want to help you, make sure you’re okay.”

Alec groaned and moved away, back towards their loveseat in the corner of the library. “I  _ am  _ okay. Really.”

Clary raised a skeptical eyebrow and followed him, balancing the books precariously and the plate even more so. Alec watched her until they reached the sofa, convinced that she was going to drop something. He was impressed to see that, by the end of the trip, she hadn’t. 

“Come on, Alec,” Clary implored. “Izzy told me what happened this morning.” She sat down heavily next to Alec, placing the plate in front of him and the books on the coffee table. “There was a fire in your apartment. That’s terrible and traumatising to someone who’s  _ not  _ in littlespace.”

Alec rolled his eyes. “I’m  _ fine _ . The fire was just a mishap.” Even as he said it, he felt the guilt that swelled up in his throat, threatening to choke him. The fire was  _ his  _ fault. “No harm, no foul.”

Clary raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure about that? You seem pretty frazzled to me.”

Alec blushed furiously and turned away from her, opting not to respond. 

“Look, Alec, it’s just for an hour,” Clary continued trying to persuade him. “You need to recover. Besides, like I said, anyone with eyes can see you’re stressed.” She tutted and carded her fingers through his thick, dark hair. “You really need to start regressing more often, Alec.”

Alec rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help the small twinge in his chest that told him she was right. The truth was, with school and his job and his family, he rarely had time to be little, much less spend the day in his headspace as he often wanted to. 

He turned back to Clary and saw her watching him with a sympathetic look on her face. He scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. He hated that he was so transparent. It was nice to know that his friends cared enough to notice when he needed to be little, but he also found it bothersome at times that he couldn’t keep anything to himself. 

Clary shoulder-checked him and said, “Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop thinking,” she said fiercely, and reached out to catch his chin in her hand. “Look at me.” Alec reluctantly obeyed, bright blue meeting forest green. His breath caught in his throat when he saw the raw, open compassion and love in her eyes, and his own misted over with tears. She smiled and reached into his backpack, pulling out the stuffed cat and placing it in his arms. “Come on. Just until the next class. If you don’t want to, I won’t make you. But I think you do, and I’m offering. Please, Alec.”

Alec sighed and closed his eyes. Truthfully, he  _ did  _ want to regress and she knew it. “Okay,” he said softly, and embraced the cat, burying his face in the soft, plush fur. 

Clary beamed and said, “Good boy.” Alec felt the familiar spark of happiness race up his spine at her words, and he sighed in relief, allowing himself to sink into the headspace he had craved all day. 

“What with the microwave incident,” Clary said, keeping her tone light, “You probably didn’t have a chance to eat anything this morning, did you?”

Alec shook his head no.

She tutted and moved closer to him, picking up the plate with the lion face on it. “That’s what I thought. Do you want some fruit?” She speared a strawberry with the fork and waved it enticingly under his nose. 

“Yes!” Alec exclaimed, and he opened his mouth for her to feed him. Clary smiled and made an airplane motion with the fork, making Alec giggle. After he’d eaten the strawberry, she offered him pieces of banana, a raspberry, and a slice of pineapple. 

Alec found out rather harshly that he did  _ not  _ enjoy pineapple. 

Alec didn’t know how much time had passed when he ate the last piece of fruit, prompting Clary to ruffle his hair and tell him, “Good job, buddy.” He could hear the other patrons of the library, milling around and talking in hushed whispers, but his mind was too pleasantly foggy for him to recognise what time it was from the sounds. 

“What would you like to do now, Alec?” Clary asked. He pursed his lips and tapped the side of his head in thought. He didn’t  _ know _ . There were so many possibilities! He looked to Clary for inspiration, and his gaze swept over her paint-stained overalls. His eyes lit up.

“Paint!”

Clary paled, biting her lip. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

Alec pouted angrily, throwing himself against the arm of the sofa. “You as’ed me what I wanted to ‘o!” 

Clary chuckled. “That I did. But paint is a little messy.”

Alec blinked at her. “So?”

“ _ So _ , we don’t want to get paint all over the library.”

“What if I want to get paint all over the library?” Alec said petulantly. 

Clary laughed and ruffled his hair affectionately. “Tempting as it is, I don’t think that’d end up very well for us.” Alec opened his mouth to protest some more, but Clary placed a finger over his lips and fixed him with a look that had him quietening down in an instant. “If you can promise to be good, I’ll take you to the fountain,” she said. 

Alec’s eyes widened and he grinned, bright and happy and so carefree that it might have hurt his heart if he could see himself. “Yes! Yes pease! I pwomise I’ll be good!”

“Good,” Clary said, and she stood up, holding out her hand for Alec to take. “Remember we’re in the library, so we’re going to play the Quiet Game until we get outside, okay? Do you remember the rules?”

“If I talk, I lose!” Alec recited cheerfully. 

“That’s right!  _ Shhh _ .” Clary placed a finger over hers and Alec’s lips for emphasis, making him giggle before clapping a hand over his mouth and squealing softly. Clary bit her lip, grinning. She didn’t want to burst out laughing in front of him, but it was difficult not to. 

Alec held tight to Clary’s hand as she led them out of the library, balancing the empty plate and the stack of books in her arms. After stopping by the coffee shop to return their plate, Clary walked Alec out the double doors, still clutching the books about the ocean and space. Alec smiled to himself and thought that they would be a perfect reward for painting a nice picture. 

It took only a few minutes more for them to reach the fountain - a large dolphin statue with water spraying from its mouth and into a shallow pool below. Alec eyed the water with interest.

Clary caught sight of the expression Alec wore and gave him a critical look. “No, Alec,” she admonished him. “Don’t even think about it.”

“But - ”

“You are  _ not  _ getting in the water.”

Alec huffed and pouted at her. Clary laughed and pointed to the base of the fountain, where several children had already painted their own masterpieces on the concrete. “Let’s get you all set up, yeah?”

Alec nodded eagerly and reached for the paints sticking out of Clary’s overalls pocket. She batted his hand away with an eye roll and a “Be patient,” and pulled the paints and brushes out herself. She set them on the ground in front of Alec and said, “They’re all yours.” Alec reached for a paintbrush and started to open one of the canisters, but Clary laid a hand on his arm. She was frowning. 

“Just a second,” she said. “Wait just a second.” She looked around the campus quickly, as if searching for something. Alec bounced eagerly on his toes and watched her, waiting for his cue to go ahead and start painting. “You need some water,” Clary murmured to herself. 

Alec pointed to the fountain in front of them. “‘Ere’s water right here!”

Clary smiled and tweaked his nose, making him scowl and swat at her hands. “No, silly. I mean you need water to rinse off your brushes so you can switch colours.”

Alec blinked at her, uncomprehending, and pointed to the fountain again. 

Clary rolled her eyes. “Alec, you are not using the fountain to wash the paintbrushes off.”

“Why not?” Alec asked, pouting. 

“Because some people drink that water. See the little spigot? It recycles the water for people to drink,” Clary lied easily. “Putting paint in it would make it all icky for the people that drink it.”

“Oh,” Alec responded, blushing furiously. He was glad he had Clary around to keep him from dumping paint (which surely didn’t taste very good) into water that other people would drink. 

“Stay right here, okay? I’m going to find you some water. Be good.” With that, Clary turned and began to walk towards the library again, leaving Alec by himself in front of the fountain.

Alec eyed the sparkling, crystal clear water and twisted his fingers together in his lap. Clary said no. But he  _ wanted  _ to. The water looked like so much fun, and surely a short dip wouldn’t hurt anything? He could even just put his feet in the water, maybe, and then Clary would never even have to know!

Alec grinned and looked around quickly before springing up from his crouched position in front of the fountain and diving headfirst into the shallow pool.

The instant he hit the water, he was in pain. He thrashed and struggled to pull himself up, out of the pool and the pain it caused, but his limbs didn’t seem to want to work. His head throbbed and he whimpered, “Owwie.” When he inhaled water instead of air, Alec began to panic. He wanted to scream, but he  _ couldn’t  _ because he would just choke on the water again and oh, no, no, no, he couldn’t  _ breathe _ . 

“Alec?!” Alec heard someone calling his name, distantly, as if through a tunnel. His head hurt so bad, and all he wanted was to get out, but he couldn’t and he was scared and he wanted the daddy that he didn’t have. 

Strong arms wrapped around Alec’s waist and pulled, and Alec struggled against them. What was happening?! Who was doing that?! He screamed, and he heard the sound it made - a familiar sound. It was the first time he’d ever associated it with relief. 

Alec’s eyes flew open and he realised belatedly that he wasn’t in the pool anymore, he was  _ okay _ , he wasn’t drowning. He took a deep breath and immediately choked on a sob. He still felt like he couldn’t breathe, and the warm, sunny August day wasn’t nearly enough to dissipate the chill that crept into his bones.

“I told you not to go in the water!” Clary said, and ran a frustrated hand through her hair. Alec felt tears drip down his chin and he looked away, sniffling. Clary smiled softly and grasped his elbow. “It’s okay. Just don’t do that again, yeah?”

Alec nodded. “Y-Yeah.”

“Come on, how ‘bout a hug?” Clary reached forward and wrapped her arms around Alec, pulling him close. He snuggled close to her and let out a happy sigh, despite the tears that lingered on his cheeks. His breathing was returning to normal, and Clary wasn’t angry with him. It was okay. Everything would be okay.

“Are you alright?” Clary asked softly, smoothing his jet-black hair with a gentle touch that reminded Alec of Izzy. 

“Mmhm,” Alec hummed, burying his face into her vibrant red hair. He clung tightly to her, unwilling to let her go just yet. She didn’t seem to mind; in fact, for every time he squeezed her, she seemed to squeeze him right back. 

They stayed like that for a few, blissful moments, swaying with the breeze and saying nothing. Clary’s hand was still in his hair and Alec thought that he was lucky to have such a wonderful friend in his life. 

And  _ that  _ gave him an idea. 

Alec pulled away from Clary and said, “Can we still paint?” with a hopeful gleam in his eyes. She grinned and used the back of her hand to wipe at the tear tracks that streaked his cheeks. 

“Of course we can.”

With that, she released him and set down the cup she’d brought from the library. Alec frowned when he noticed that it was empty. “Where’s the water?” 

Clary flushed bright pink and said, “I spilled it when I saw you in the pool.”

Alec bit his lip and looked down, studying his sneakers rather than meeting her eyes. “Oh. Sowwy.”

Clary bent down and settled herself on the ground in front of the paints, patting the space next to her in a clear indicator that Alec should sit. He did so, still staring at her guiltily. 

She drew him close, an arm around his shoulders, and kissed his forehead lightly. “No need to be. I’m the one who spilled it.”

Alec frowned. He was the  _ reason  _ she’d spilled it. He opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off with a stern look. Alec folded his arms and asked petulantly, “Well, what’re we gonna do ‘bout water now?”

Clary made a show of looking around to make sure that nobody was watching before grabbing the cup and filling it to the brim with water from the fountain. She winked at Alec, grinning, as she set it down. 

Alec’s eyes widened and he stared at her. “Did you jus’  _ steal _ ?”

Clary chuckled and ruffled Alec’s hair affectionately. “Stealing is a strong word. I borrowed.”

Alec tilted his head to the side and opened his mouth to say something else, but Clary gestured to the canisters before he could and asked, “What’re you going to paint?”

“It’s a secret!” Alec exclaimed.

“Ah, okay. Am I allowed to look?”

“No!” Alec squealed. “Don’ look, don’ look!”

“Okay, I won’t,” Clary said. “I’ll turn around and cover my eyes, how does that sound?”

“Perfect. Tank you.”

“Of course.” With that, the redhead obediently turned around and left Alec to his work, placing her hands over her eyes. 

Alec grinned to himself. She was going to love his present. 

  
  


Five paint canisters, a lot of spills, and two additional refills of the cup later, Alec was done with his masterpiece. He grinned proudly and set his paintbrush to the side, ignoring the way five different colours of paint ran down his fingers as he placed it on the pavement, and tapped Clary on the shoulder. “You can turn around now.”

Clary removed her hands from her eyes and turned to face the concrete on which Alec had painted his picture. Her smile softened into something sweeter and more beautiful than the light, happy one of before. Alec hesitated, chewing his lip. He wasn’t sure if the minute change meant good or bad things.

“Alec,” Clary murmured. “This is perfect. I love it.”

Alec beamed and tackled her to the ground in a crushing hug that had her laughing freely and wrapping her arms around him. She righted them both and embraced him again, kissing the top of his head and the swell of his shoulder through his t-shirt. 

“I want to take a picture of this,” Clary said, pulling away from Alec and fumbling for something in her pocket. Alec recognised it as some sort of phone, and he watched as she presumably snapped a photo with it (he couldn’t see anything, wasn’t there supposed to be some moment where he would see what the camera captured?) and fiddled with it for a few seconds before replacing it in her pocket. 

Alec grinned to himself and stared at Clary in wonder. “‘Ou really like it?”

“Alec, I love it.” 

Alec smiled to himself. That was all he wanted, really. He wanted Clary to like it. And her reassurances that she did filled his heart with a warmth he was unable to describe, but that made him feel happier than ever before. 

Clary poked Alec’s cheek teasingly and said, “You have paint all over you, bud. Let’s get you cleaned up.” She stood and offered a hand to help Alec to his feet, but Alec didn’t take it. He stared at her and narrowed his eyes defiantly. 

“I don’  _ wanna _ clean up.”

Clary sighed. “I know, buddy, but you have to.”

Alec shook his head, not giving an inch. “Cleaning up is  _ boring _ .”

Clary pursed her lips in thought for a second, and Alec felt hope flare up in his chest. Maybe he would be allowed to run around the campus with paint fingers! He could put handprints on the walls, on the doors, on the…

“If you sit here and let me clean you up, I’ll read to you,” Clary offered, effectively cutting off Alec’s train of thought. He paused, considering it. He  _ did  _ love being read to. 

“Fine,” he grumbled. “But on’y if I get to pick da book!”

“Of course,” Clary agreed easily. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” With that, she handed the stack of books to Alec to paw through, under strict orders to use his shirt to look at them, lest he get paint all over the library’s books. In the back of his mind, Alec thought that getting paint all over the library’s books sounded delightful, but he decided not to push his luck at the moment. He was happy with what he’d gotten. 

By the time Clary returned, Alec had flipped through the entire stack of books and settled on one of his very favourites, The Rainbow Fish. He handed it to Clary with an air of triumph and settled against her side to hear the story. 

Clary smiled to herself and picked up the book, being sure to read a few paragraphs before she started wiping the paint on Alec’s hands and arms and face and every other body part, really with the wet washcloth she’d stolen from the Starbucks in the library. 

Alec was so engrossed in the story that he barely felt Clary’s careful ministrations, and he didn’t notice when all of the paint was gone and she was no longer grasping his wrists or spreading his palms. 

“ _ The End. _ ” 

Alec sighed happily and snuggled into Clary’s side. This, the two of them, right in front of a beautiful fountain with a painted picture of Alec and Clary playing in a pool and an unidentifiable man standing over them - it was perfect. 

It was everything - well, almost everything - that he wanted and exactly what he needed. 

It was almost,  _ almost  _ enough to make him forget about the head wound that he’d suffered from his dive into the fountain pool. 

The pain became a dull ache, and by the time the bell rung overhead, signaling the beginning of the next class, Alec didn’t even notice it was there.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's head wound from his dive into the fountain pool makes an appearance. Or, Simon & Alec friendship, a lot of feels and hurt/comfort, and some angsty Little Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! This chapter is a long time coming, and you can thank UB3R-BOT for deciding that this fic was the one I was going to work on tonight. You can also thank my dear friend (who I won't mention by name, but she knows who she is) for the bit about Alec & oral fixation/sucking on things for comfort (which is also going to serve as a reminder for Future!Me to write Alec with a pacifier). 
> 
> Also, I know that this is not at all how concussions work, but just go with it? I am but a mere fic writer who is completely baffled by the nuances of real life and I beg to be granted your patience. 
> 
> I really hope you like this!! Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
> 
> ~ Em

Alec struggled through his next two classes, the pain in his head intensifying with every hour. His limbs felt heavy and sluggish, and he could barely see the lecture hall through the black spots that danced at the edges of his vision. 

Intrinsically, he knew this was indicative of _something_ , and he knew that something was probably bad, but he didn’t have the time to be sick or hurt. His classes wouldn’t wait until he felt better, and he was already falling behind in statistics. So he muddled through, thanking whatever gods might be up there that his sister didn’t have any of these classes with him. He didn’t think he could manage to lie convincingly enough to keep her off of his trail, especially when he felt like he might collapse any minute. 

By midday, Alec’s head was pounding and he was starting to feel nauseous with the pain. He whimpered, clutching his head in his hands. This drew the attention of a few of his classmates, but he waved them off with what little energy he could muster. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t think he could make it to the campus health office at this point, and he couldn’t call Izzy or Jace and admit that he was hurt. Tears gathered in Alec’s eyes. That would make twice in one day that he needed them to fix a situation his little self had gotten him into. 

Another wave of nausea rolled over him, and Alec’s hands began to shake. If he was going to throw up, it was _not_ going to be in front of all twenty-three of his classmates. He excused himself from the lecture and fled the classroom, holding his stomach and leaning against the wall. 

Before long, the nausea passed, replaced with an alarming ringing in his ears. His vision was blurry and he tripped over himself as he tried to walk. The world seemed to tilt on its axis. _Oh, fuck, this was bad._

Distantly, as if through a tunnel, Alec became aware of someone speaking to him. He tried to move towards the voice, but every movement felt like he was trying to walk through water, and his head was still pounding. He wanted to cry. It was too much, too much, _too much_ -

“...got you, Alec. Going to take care of you. Just need to get you out of here.”

Alec could feel himself slipping at those words. He couldn’t just shift from little to big with the flick of a switch; it didn’t work like that. Clary had helped him be little, earlier, with the books and the painting and the friendly persona she adopted for his sake. But getting out of littlespace was never really very easy, and he still felt a little of his small self clinging on when he was freshly big. 

Between being hurt, the mystery person’s kind words, and his desperate wish for someone to take care of him, it wasn’t really any surprise that he _did_ , but Alec was just big enough still to hate it and wish he wasn’t slipping at all.

“Shh, come on…”

Alec could now identify the voice as Simon’s, and he felt the tears from before rise once again. He bit his lip hard to keep them from spilling over. Simon knew that he was a little, being Jace’s boyfriend, but he’d had little interaction with Alec while he was in headspace and Alec hated it, hated _this_ , hated that he couldn’t control when Simon would see him little. 

A warm pair of arms wrapped Alec in a tight hug and, against his big self screaming to run away, to run until he made it to the campus health office, to _shove down_ the littlespace until he could think right, until he could do this by himself, he melted into it. He heard Simon’s voice in his ear, and it was soothing and comforting and made Alec feel small & safe. Tears began to fall in earnest, and he buried his face in Simon’s chest. 

_SiSi._

Alec remembered now; this was _SiSi_. He had no reason to feel afraid.

“C’mon, little man, we’ve got to get you to a doctor,” Simon murmured. Alec whimpered at that. Doctor? He hated doctors. Doctors were scary. 

“No,” he mumbled. “No doctor.”

“Yes, doctor,” Simon replied, brushing his fingers through Alec’s hair. “They’ll make you feel better.”

“No doctor!” Alec cried, trying to pull away from Simon. Simon held fast, cocooning Alec against his chest in a bear hug. Alec cried harder. He didn’t want to go to a doctor! They were scary and they stuck things in you that hurt and they never had good news. 

“You gotta, buddy,” Simon said, his voice thick with guilt. “I promise the doctor will help you. They’ll make you feel better, okay?”

Alec shook his head, but he hesitated. Maybe Simon was right. If SiSi said it would be okay, then surely it would be. He stumbled a little bit in the circle of Simon’s arms, and he was suddenly and violently aware of the pounding of his head again. He sniffled. It _hurt_. If Simon said the doctor could help, then maybe, well, maybe he would just _try_. For SiSi. 

“Good boy,” Simon cooed, as if he could tell Alec had come to a decision, and Alec preened a little at the praise. “Come on, let’s go.” He took Alec’s hand and slowly unwrapped Alec’s arms from around his waist. Alec pouted a little. Simon was warm and kind and _safe_. 

Simon led him forward a few steps, but Alec stumbled and would have fallen if it weren’t for Simon’s quick reflexes. The hallway was blurry before his eyes, and Alec felt very dizzy, a little like the world was tipping from side to side. He cried out in surprise and reached blindly for Simon.

Simon wrapped his arms around Alec and picked him up. Alec giggled a little at the sensation, but his momentary happiness quickly gave way to whimpering cries. His head _hurt_ and there were black spots in his vision and he didn’t know what was happening. He clung to Simon, and the urge to stick a thumb in his mouth for comfort was almost overpowering. 

“Shhh,” Simon crooned. “You’re okay. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

Alec buried his face in Simon’s neck and nosed at the skin there, searching for something, something that would make him feel okay and calm and like it was going to be alright. He wiggled in Simon’s arms. Would SiSi mind? Could Alec, could he...?

“It’s okay,” Simon said again, and that was all the permission Alec needed. 

Alec’s lips found the skin of Simon’s neck and began to suck, a soft, soothing gesture that made Alec relax into Simon’s arms. It comforted him, and Alec felt himself beginning to feel sleepy. He wasn’t scared anymore. Simon tightened his grip on Alec and pressed a soft kiss to his hair. Alec sniffled a little. He felt better now, and he knew SiSi had him, that he was safe with him. 

“Almost there,” Simon whispered. “Hang on, buddy.” 

Alec wanted to hang on, he really did; he wanted to be a good boy for SiSi and do as he was told, but he was so _sleepy_. The sucking slowed down, little by little, until Alec’s lips fell limp against Simon’s collarbone. He didn’t want to suck on something anymore. He wanted to go to sleep. He tried to look up, to see if they were there yet, to see if he could sneak a quick nap before they got to the scary doctor’s place, and then everything went black. 


End file.
